Pagan was born on August 24th, 2009, to a small litter of three kittens. She was absolutely breathtaking; we had only produced two other solid blue Sphynxes before and that was over two years ago. At first, we thought she was a 'he', but over the next two weeks, we realized we made a mistake and Pagan quickly became 'our little girl'!
She grew quickly and was the largest kitten of the litter; she flourished under her Mama's care and gave no indication of having any health problems. Around six weeks, however, she developed raspy breathing that antibiotics could not cure and xrays proved she did not have pneumonia. We tried prednisone, thinking she was just peculiar and had developed asthma, but that did not help her breathing either. She was eating and playing just like her brother and sister, even attacking me in her kittenish way. She was spunky and outgoing little girl1
We waited until she was 8 weeks old and then our vet sedated her and intubated her, trying to find the problem with her breathing. We shot more xrays and still could not pinpoint why her breathing was growing more and more labored...
During this entire time, everyone who met Pagan loved her. She had spirit and her clear eyes followed you, regardless of how badly she felt. I spent a lot of time simply holding her and promising her, we would fix her problem- one way or another, I would not allow her to suffer.
After the exploratory, Pagan slowly stopped eating and would not play... She was fading away before our eyes. Our vet, the wonderful Dr Willey, recommended we try the Veterinarian Referral Center, aka specialists, in order to resolve the problem. We were desperate and therefore, we went to the specialists and asked for help.
The VRC was wonderful. They immediately concocted a plan to find out what was causing Pagan's breathing problems- they were going to sedate her, again, and insert a scope down her trachea, in order to find the elusive problem that was plaguing this little blue kitten. We waited with baited breath for the phone call, letting us know what Pagan's problem was and how to proceed from there...
Unfortunately, the call we received was shattering- the specialists could not find the source of Pagan's breathing problem. They had inserted the scope all the way down her trachea, into her chest cavity, and still had found nothing. The only other suggestion they had was that perhaps she had laryngeal paralysis, which we could test for the following day, but they had never operated on a cat, let alone a 1.5 pound baby kitten, for laryngeal paralysis and they believed her prognosis would be poor.
Pagan was suffering... She could not breathe and without being able to breathe, she could not eat. Without eating, she could not grow and she was withering away, losing energy by the day. We had discussed a tracheotomy, but the vet thought it would only prolong her suffering... We were at the end of the road and had to make the right decision for Pagan. I had promised her earlier that day, there would be no more suffering after today; I had to honor my promise.
With many tears, I decided it was time to let Pagan go... I went down to the VRC and stroked her tiny ears as the vet allowed her to slip peacefully into bliss... No longer suffering.
Some people assume that breeders see their babies as numbers, as profit, as goods; this can be nothing further from the truth in our household. These are my babies, before they are yours. They touch my soul from the moment they are born into my hands and I love each and every baby I send from my house.
I am proud to say for any of my kittens, that I fight for them with every breath they take, whether it's due to having a poor suck reflex as a newborn kitten, or due to a serious problem like Pagan had- as long as they are willing to fight, I am willing to fight with them. I love them fiercely and I like to think they know that from the moment they are born.
Rest in peace, my sweet Pagan... Sleep sweetly...
EPILOGUE
Pagan did not stop touching people's life with her death... Oddly enough, the night we were at the vet, waiting to put Pagan under anesthesia to take more xrays, I had noticed a lady talking to the receptionists, holding two Pomeranian mixed puppies and talking about how she had found them running down the street and how she planned on keeping them. I was too preoccupied with Pagan to spend too much time thinking about that woman, but I did briefly wonder if she would post flyers, letting the family missing those puppies know that they were found...
A week later, before Pagan was put to sleep, I saw a post online about two missing Pom pups and decided it would take a moment of my time to email them and let them know I had seen a lady with two pups, possibly the ones that were posted, at my vet's that past week.
As luck would have it, after the distraught owners insisted the vet staff look at the pictures of their pups, they soon found out the lady did have their pups and the puppies quickly returned to their home!
This is what the owner of the lost puppies wrote to me in my last email with her, "I am so sorry for your loss. May her life have meant something as it saved my puppies. The loss I felt was very different - not knowing and constantly looking over your shoulder all the time was just awful. You were a God send, and her life really mattered. Had you not been there, I am certain we would have never seen them again."
There is always a little bit of sunshine after the rain and this happy ending, although it was not for Pagan, definitely put a light within my heart.
BS Pagan Sings the Blues
"God's finger touched her, and she slept."
~ Lord Tennyson
